The AfterGrief

October 15, 2020
How the impact of human loss transcends the lives of the bereaved. As she did in the bestselling Motherless Daughters (1994), which examined the emotional challenges of women who grew up without a maternal figure, Edelman dissects the dynamics of grief. "I wish there were a foolproof method for 'getting over' the death of someone we love," she writes in the lucid preamble. However, "everything I've experi-enced, learned, and observed over the past thirty-eight years has taught me otherwise." Drawing on her in-depth interviews with 81 individuals, the author looks at how the grieving process shaped her subjects' lives and could potentially impact their futures as well. Edelman's personal journey, though repetitive, is also noteworthy: Her mother died of breast cancer in 1981 at age 42, and she discusses the ever evolving meaning of her death, particularly once she became a parent and "really understood how foreshortened my mother's life had been and what she'd missed out on by dying so young." The author also explores grief from a historical perspective through eras devastated by war and disease, and she taps into psychological, societal, and gender-specific patterns of mourning, referencing research studies on such concepts as "the rings of grief." Sensitive readers should brace for the heartbreaking profiles of people whose lives never fully rebounded from the catastrophic loss of a loved one, whether the death was sudden, protracted, or shrouded in mystery. These varied perspectives coalesce to show how grief endures longer than most people ever realize. Edelman emphasizes that while we may never truly outlive the fallout from loss, it becomes an element of life that can be integrated into our own unique versions of felicity. "Unexpressed grief from the past may be one of the most overlooked public health crises of our time," writes the author, who proactively seeks to change cultural perceptions about the way it is viewed, with an eye toward improved support networks for post-traumatic growth. A timelessly relevant chronicle on enduring grief.

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October 15, 2020
There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve, according to Edelman. Nor does grieving fit neatly into K�bler-Ross' accepted five stages. Instead, grief follows a winding path, moving in and out of lives, often unexpectedly. Even years after a death, celebrating a graduation, a wedding, or the birth of a child can rekindle buried if never forgotten grief. Edelman, the author of eight books, including the classic Motherless Daughters (1994), was a teen when her own mother died, and for this book she has interviewed numerous men and women who lost a parent or parents while they were young. In their stories, emotional survival seems to hinge on being able to talk about their loss with a receptive adult and openly grieve. Edelman is grateful that the old don't dwell on it advice seems to be disappearing and urges readers to understand that there are no timetable for loss and no firm rules. Death is part of everyone's life. Community helps us cope, and Edelman's knowledgeable and thoughtful book offers a gentle, compassionate guide to grieving.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2020, American Library Association.)