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Missed Translations

Meeting the Immigrant Parents Who Raised Me

Audiobook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

A bittersweet and humorous memoir of family—of the silence and ignorance that separate us, and the blood and stories that connect us—from an award-winning New York Times writer and comedian.

Approaching his 30 birthday, Sopan Deb had found comfort in his day job as a writer for the New York Times and a practicing comedian. But his stage material highlighting his South Asian culture only served to mask the insecurities borne from his family history. Sure, Deb knew the facts: his parents, both Indian, separately immigrated to North America in the 1960s and 1970s. They were brought together in a volatile and ultimately doomed arranged marriage and raised a family in suburban New Jersey before his father returned to India alone.

But Deb had never learned who his parents were as individuals—their ages, how many siblings they had, what they were like as children, what their favorite movies were. Theirs was an ostensibly nuclear family without any of the familial bonds. Coming of age in a mostly white suburban town, Deb's alienation led him to seek separation from his family and his culture, longing for the tight-knit home environment of his white friends. His desire wasn't rooted in racism or oppression; it was born of envy and desire—for white moms who made after-school snacks and asked his friends about the girls they liked and the teachers they didn't. Deb yearned for the same.

Deb's experiences as one of the few minorities covering the Trump campaign, and subsequently as a stand up comedian, propelled him on a dramatic journey to India to see his father—the first step in a life altering journey to bridge the emotional distance separating him from those whose DNA he shared. Deb had to learn to connect with this man he recognized yet did not know—and eventually breach the silence separating him from his mother. As it beautifully and poignantly chronicles Deb's odyssey, Missed Translations raises questions essential to us all: Is it ever too late to pick up the pieces and offer forgiveness? How do we build bridges where there was nothing before—and what happens to us, to our past and our future, if we don't?

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    • AudioFile Magazine
      Journalist and comedian Sopan Deb tells his story of turning his estrangement from his parents into a deep and meaningful relationship while redefining his own South Asian identity. His fast-paced narration and straightforward candor lend themselves to a rapidly unfolding and exciting listen filled with a mix of raw authenticity and laugh-out-loud humor. Deb offers distinct voices for his parents, from his father's boisterous intensity to his mother's more reserved forlornness, a juxtaposition that further exemplifies the dissolution of their arranged marriage. This bittersweet listen echoes the disillusionment of the American Dream for immigrants while capturing the messy but heartfelt reconciliation of a family. A.K.R. © AudioFile 2020, Portland, Maine
    • Library Journal

      Starred review from April 1, 2020

      Deb is a comedian, reporter for the New York Times, and formerly estranged son with a hilarious reckoning to share. His memoir centers on the Bengali immigrant parents who raised him in New Jersey. After coming to the U.S., Deb's father returns to India, leaving his mother and son behind. With Deb's father gone, he and his mother begin to drift apart. The memoir follows Deb as he seeks to build new relationships with his parents after growing up proudly Hindi, briefly idolizing whiteness, and, later, embracing his Bengali heritage again. Along the way, readers get insight into his stand-up career, forays into talk therapy, dating life, and experiences covering the 2016 election as a reporter of color. The book moves quickly through time and space, but Deb's comic genius and strong heart ground the narrative. His writing style is plain, confessional, and filled with laugh-out-loud passages about everything from memories of his childhood to learning to accept his insecurities as an adult. Perhaps most impressive of all, Deb addresses firsthand experiences of ignorant racism with wise humor. VERDICT A delightful memoir of people and place that will draw in Deb's fans and attract plenty of new ones.--Sierra Dickey, Ctr. for New Americans, Northampton, MA

      Copyright 2020 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

    • Booklist

      February 15, 2020
      New York Times culture and sports writer and comedian Deb goes on an emotional and physical journey to discover why his family has drifted so far apart. As Deb neared 30, his parents served mostly as a punch line for his stand-up routines; tired tropes about Indian parents. In reality, Deb hadn't seen his parents in years and his childhood was far from stereotypical. His parents' arranged marriage was disastrous, his mother often locking herself in her room for long periods of time (likely suffering from undiagnosed depression). His father moved to India without telling anyone shortly after they divorced. Traveling to India for a wedding gives Deb the excuse he needs to reconnect with his father, while a random Mother's Day spurs him to call his mother for the first time in years. He takes a journalistic approach to interviewing them and discovers lives filled with difficulties and long-buried secrets. While his topic is serious, Deb's writing is breezy and witty, and his earnestness will sweep readers up into this charmer of a memoir.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2020, American Library Association.)

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